Grin and Share It

The Missing Car

A funny thing happened last night.

I had this dream that my car was missing.

I went all over town to all the places I’ve been.

Still I could not find it.

I woke up feeling broken about the dream.

Until I asked myself the question—

what car was I driving while I search for the

missing car?

Quad

They should be informed

that around here

when we speak of QUADS

we are referring to people

who are limp on four sides

as in Quadruplegics!

It does show 

in this Quad.

 

 

Gasless Poland, Part 14

And so Putin finally installed

his first disruptive sanction—

by turning off Poland’s gas supply.

The Poles howled that this act is a blackmail.

Naturally!

Aren’t sanctions put on to blackmail people?

How many of them are needed to turn the lights on?

What can they do then?

They should go to the US 82nd Airborne Division

where both mother and daughter

drink rum and coca-cola

go down for coo manna

working for the Yankee dollah.

This is a fact, man,

this is a fuct.

Putin to Biden :

“Anongsaymongayon?”

translation :

(Anong say mo ngayon)

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Putin declared,

in quite an obtuse manner,

that he will accept only rubles

as payment for Russian oil and gas.

This caused a raucus amongst the

Western banks including the Swiss banks

which have been discovered lately

to stand on shaky grounds

as regards their neutrality. 

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

EH?

Z & V

One Russian army unit advancing to Kiev(Kyiv)

is painted with a “Z” all over.

A later unit came in with a “V’ painted all over.

I guess there now is a competition

as to who gets him first.

Wuuups! Apologies…

President Biden actually did not call PM Trudeau stupid.

It was former President Trump who called Trudeau a lunatic.

My mistake.

I never should have read Bloomberg fake news!

BILD publishes what it anticipates.

I apologize to President Biden for my mistake.

It shall not happen again.

I will never say that Biden is an ugly American.

Not when he combs his hair the right way.

Moving Traffic Bodily

Move.mp4

Move.mpg

Red Blue; Red Blue

 

 

This is a story of a teen-age girl in the mountains of the Philippines.  She picks firewood to sell to the village people at the foot of the mountain. Today is Sunday, and Ap-palik is free to go down the mountain to watch the movies.

Red Blue, Red Blue

by Cool_Ambo

Ap-palik was never taught how to pray. She knows that there is a God. And it is always in a sitting position, very much similar to the position of her dead grandfather whose body was ceremoniously thrust inside a hole on the mountain even in a sitting position.

For her, the image of God resembles the crudely carved wooden idol which resides mutely at the bend of the trail, also in a sitting position.

As she turned to pay homage to this wooden idol, she once again imagined that this is a strong God because it is able to endure a chipped nose better than she can endure a toothache. Stronger is this God than the God of the lowland people, she thought, because this God is able to withstand the elements. If the lowland gods are really gods, why would they be kept secure inside and out of the rain?

She prayed by imitating the children of the school: genuflecting by knocking her forehead with the palm of her hand, beating her chest with the other, touching both shoulders with her fingers, and bumping her knee on the ground. With both hands stretched to the sky, she said, “Ap-palik is going down the mountain,” in a voice that sounded like a cross between a warning and a demand to the God of Travelers to grant her safe passage.

Glancing at the brother standing beside her, she thrust an upturned palm forward in the begging position and said, “WE are going down the mountain, God of Trees, please protect us as you would protect the gatherers of firewood!”

And then, with more exuberance than piety the third time around, she waved goodbye to her proud parents in the house on top of the hill, and proceeded to go down the trail chanting, “I am going to town.”

The moist earth was squishing through her bare toes when she stopped to shift her skirt so that the pocket swung to the front the way she does before she counts the money. The Catholic Convent gave this skirt to her mother, she remembered, and it was originally white.  Her mother is going to buy her a new dress when she gets married to one of her father’s army friends, but that would still be after the next firewood-gathering season. And shoes–it must be fun to wear shoes. Mother says it takes some getting used to. She does not have to wear them on the trail. She can take them off and carry them to make them last longer.

Her brother, Nonoy, was wearing her father’s old army sweater. Ap-palik was wearing her father’s worn-out camouflage army jacket. Father thinks of everything, she thought, as she looked at her wrist watch. He knows she can’t tell time so he painted the face of a clock on Nonoy’s forehead showing the positions of the hands to tell themselves the time when to start back home. The two got carried away, though, and painted dials all over their cheeks and arms and legs until both of them look like graffiti.

Ah, but her father loved the Army. Her name, Ap-palik, was taken from a favorite Army poem—The Charge of the Light Brigade. He taught her how to recite this poem from beginning to end.  And this she would recite while going down the mountain, with broken English and all.

“Ap-palik, ap-palik, ap-palik onward,
Into the valley of death
Rode the six hundred.
Forward the Light Brigade,
Charge for the guns, he said,
Not though the soldier knew,

…….not though the soldier..”

She wavered, and she tried again to find the next verse. Nonoy started a chorus with her, and all along the trail, the people that they met could have sworn that the two were reciting a litany to some unknown saint.

When at last they reached level ground, they headed straight for the candy store, buying all they could, including a huge bag of caramelized popcorn. People began to stare at their paint so they went at once to the theater, where the woman in the glass box ignored Ap-palik’s greeting. Who wouldn’t? Even when she smiled, she still looked like a woman on the warpath with all that paint on.

She liked cartoons. Even though the characters were not real people, they were what she wished people to be: simple and colorful and predictable, too.

They must have watched two shows twice. They left before the sad part. She always cried on those. They lingered in town for a while, munching on dried deer jerky which they tore with funny little angry bites. When the wrist watch showed a configuration exactly like that on Nonoy’s forehead they started home, taking the longest route towards the trail.

But then the lights started to come on! This was one thing they wanted to see—Christmas lights, colored lights, all on everybody’s window, flickering, and flashing, and giving color to the trees and the ground and the houses. They stopped at one particular house with bigger lights that dim and brighten slowly. They entered the yard and sat behind the hibiscus hedge, mesmerized by the lights. They called out together, red, blue, red, blue as the lights came on. Failing to recognize the colors green and yellow, they just skipped those, not knowing what to call them. Besides, they like red and blue best.

Pretty soon they fell asleep with their chanting, curled up in each other’s arms, all too happy to fantasize that they are actually living in a color cartoon.

Suddenly, they were awakened by shots and sirens, running feet and barking dogs. The colored lights were shut off. Men came running by away from something. People come chasing them. The two sprang up, but it was too dark to see anything. They came out of the hedge and walked away. The mud squished noisily. Headlights came on and blinded them. They started running away from the lights. A volley of shots were fired. Nonoy was hit and he fell down dead, still clutching Ap-palik’s hand. She tried to raise him but couldn’t. She turned to the lights in disbelief. A second volley was fired, and then a third. On both counts, she felt like two huge arms were pushing her back as the bullets hit. She staggered to maintain her balance in the mud, shifting her feet several times, but the fourth volley slammed her on her back. She tried to get up but her body does not respond. Instinctively, she lifted a hand towards Nonoy’s body. The hand fell limp. The pain went away slowly as numbness overcame her. She looked up for help, up to the flashing police lights, up to the blinking, mesmerizing red-blue police lights, and coughed her last.

Uniformed men milled around to view the bodies. One of them flipped Nonoy’s body over with a foot and said, “It must be a cult–it looks like a cult–yes, the six-o’clock cult.”

“For sure,” replied another. “You would never expect anything good to come out of this people,” pointing to Ap-palik’s body with the red oozing from the nose and through the teeth.

“She was saying something, no?”

“Yes, something like– redblueredblue!!!

EPITAPH:  Mountains don’t shed tears…….. they moan and they groan and they blow down branches of trees, a whole lot of branches of trees, for that time when Ap-palik comes to gather  firewood.

Epilogue :three days after her interment, and a full seven days after her death, the howling of the winds and the gnashing of the branches never stopped until the elders exhumed the bodies from the mountainside, cremated them,and scattered the ashes to the winds; after which a foreboding silence supplanted everybody’s business and in one awed gesture, all work stopped, as if to catch the faint squishing sounds of Ap-palik’s feet ascending the mountain.

As if on cue, all eyes look up to submit to the gods of the mountains, a new name to implore at firewood gathering time ; the name of AP-PALIK, henceforth the protector of brothers and innocents.

It is said, that while wise men and faithful women deserve the maw of the mountains, the virgins rightfully belong to the gods.

  Amen. 

French Female Soldier

(Search  archives of September, 2011 for other female soldiers sent in by Vincent Novenario.)

and not gathered from 199.232.4.193 of Chicago, Illinois

Finnish Soldier

OK I have decided

to enter the military

instead of the seminary.

Celine Dion

 

celine640Celine.mpg

Celine.mp4

Top Five Deadliest Forces in The World

Top 5 Deadliest Forces of the World

 

5. Kopassus

 

Formed in 1952, the Indonesian Army’s feared special forces group quickly established a bad name for themselves by spearheading government military campaigns.

Famous ops: In 1981, an Islamic extremist group hijacked Garuda Flight 206. After the aircraft landed, Kopassus commando executed a fast-paced operation, killing three hijackers and freeing 50 passengers.

4. Sayeret Matkal

 

The elite special forces of the Israeli defence force are experts in small arms, martial arts and gathering intelligence from deep behind enemy lines. These days they’re kept busy with counter-terrorism gigs and hostage rescue.

Famous ops: Best known for Operation Entebbe, a rescue mission to free hostages held on AirFranceflight 139 atUganda’sEntebbeAirportin 1976. One Israeli soldier, 45 Ugandan soldiers, six hijackers and three hostages were killed in the operation, which at least managed to free 100 hostages.

3. The Kaibiles

Guatemala’s fearless counter revolutionary commando forces are experts in jungle warfare and counter insurgency ops. Established in 1975, their motto is, “If I advance, follow me. If I stop, urge me on. If I retreat, kill me.”

Famous ops: Eight Kaibiles were killed and five wounded in an ambush inCongoas part of a UN peacekeeping force. The dead soldiers were part of a botched operation to capture the deputy commander ofUganda’s Lord’s Resistance Army.

2. Alpha Group

Russia’s trigger-happy counter-terrorist squad of 700 hardcore dudes, formed in 1974 and survived despite the collapse of theSoviet Union.

Famous ops: The 2004 Beslan school hostage rescue crisis, where 1200 hostages were held by Chechen separatists ended with 31 dead terrorists. A good result except they also terminated more than 350 civilians.

1.U.S.Navy SEALs

 

TheUnited StatesNavySEa, Air and Land (SEAL) teams are renowned for their ability to work underwater and deal with special reconnaissance, counter terrorism, hostage rescue and unconventional warfare.

Famous Ops: A team authorised by Barack Obama killed Osama bin Laden in his compound inPakistan. Three Navy SEALs also killed three Somalian pirates when they held a captain hostage.

 

Random Numbers

Guess what.

I finished my combi selections for the Lotto max.

but I wuill not publish them for today.

This is why I opened up this post with a

guess what.

But donya worry. I will publish them here AFTER the draw.

In case some particular people are watching.

I am finishing up my post on Random number Generators

and maybe follow it up with some lotto strategies

which are unbeknownst 

and not yet thought of

by the generality

because of its novelty.

(how’s that go for slinging the English language?)

The Art of the Deal

The deals that the prosecutors are making

with the witnesses against Trump,

are these deals mentioned in Trump’s 

popular book?

Russian Cyber Hackers

Blaming the Russians again?

Come on now,

these cyber hackings were done

by those who need money fast.

And I will not be surprised

if these Cyber Hackers

are actually hacking themselves.

Just check on where the

marked hundred-dollar bills float up.

Filipino Battle Hymn

Batel Himm

Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang sakong nabasa
Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang sakong nabasa
Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang sakong nabasa
Ang sakong nabasa.

Repren

Ale, Aleng-magluluya
Ale, Aleng-magluluya
Ale, Aleng magluluya
Ang sakong nabasa

Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang tuhod nabasa
Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang tuhod nabasa
Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang tuhod nabasa
Ang tuhod nabasa.

Ale, Aleng-magluluya
Ale, Aleng-magluluya
Ale, Aleng-magluluya
Ang tuhod nabasa.

Lumusong siya sa tubig at ang….
AY BASTOS!

Corn-pirazzione

i will throw you a curv-ini

hope you can catch it.

It will be in multi-linguini

and some of it is tabingi.

Some presidente I forget who,

is deadly-determinado to prove

le electione is kaput because he knows

it was rigged so he would win.

El vittorio bandera is supposed to be his

nada con duda,

Bringing to mind some certain Navalny,

despues being wined and dined en allemagna

but presently under le carabinieri for being

drunk with something ala morphini.

El peboretissimo amigo of both el presidente 

and Navalny whose name is Giuliani,

a name to ring Paganini’s La campanella

little bells on Three Kings Day of Enero,

the day of Combat,

comes out stronger than espresso

to sabe andale, andale a kapitolyo.

I do not know whether you can make heads or tails

of this script I just scribbled under the influence.

If it did, boy, you’re good!

 

mangle-o-mania

And here we go again 

with the mangle-o-mania.

Lots of gigabytes again.

Yahooo!

Here comes the firewall again.

Big Eyes

At first I thought that I had too much to drink,.

But then I realized that I don’t drink.

And after I gave her directions to where she was going

I did mention to her quietly

that before she goes out in public like this.

she should make sure that

she is wearing a mask.

 

A Blessed Naighbor

It is a blessed summer day,

I mused,

as I subserviently stood over the spot that marked

the physical distancing spot.

I was actually third in line to hit the register

at the Walmart Cashier’s plexiglass cubicle.

Some lady was holding up the line

because she was having some problems

paying with her credit card. 

It seems that the card was so new

that it has not been activated yet.

After much fuss, the tall burly lady in front of me

offered to pay  for what she bought.

This kindly gesture did not amaze me because

Canadians would do this act at the drop of a hat.

But I did slid to her and said that I would have enjoyed

that much privilege if she happened to be my neighbor.

The lady in trouble courteously refused the offer and

proceeded to count her cash, 

which in the end did not meet the grocery balance.

So the kindly lady in front of me ended up

paying for the balance shortage.

Before this was over, I again slid closer

and asked for her name.

She replied with that much message in her eyes—

“Montana”.

And then I realized

that she was in truth a neighbor

and the privilege is in truth,

mine.

 

Red Bikini

The red bikini is given to you as a reward for your good techie work. The wearer, however, is not for you to keep, as she proved too expensive for me to handle. also, yours will be the problem of persuading her to give  it up.

Geri’s Game

 

Geri’s Game.mpg

Geri’s Game.mp4

Q _ Tip 7 For Filipinos Only

Here is where the all-purpose cure all of the people

come into liberal use–the Vicks Vaporub.

This can be rubbed, inhaled, applied, vaporized,

and even calm people with dementia by applying it

on the forehead.

Or even stop sexually-active men.

This bottle can be tied on a string

and wrapped around the waist like a holster

for the fast-draw artists.

Q -Tip 5 Improvised Masks

I did say that masks can be made

out of common household items,

from yours or your girl friend’s.

Notice that two more masks 

can be made from 

what the horse is wearing.

Multiplying Relatives

Lots of cousins do I have

and they multiply.

Whenever I meet someone I know

I introduce the girl that I am with

as my cousin.

My cousins, they multiply.

Fast!