Laff-tops
It Can Happen…
It can happen, eh?
That a medal will be struck by the international community
to be awarded to the best concept devised
to bring down Putin’s popularity.
The first prize medal will have embossed on it
a circular beef patty
fronted by two crisscrossed dill pickles.
The second prize medal will have on it
one circular beef patty.
And the Third prize medal will have on it
one dill pickle.
With this awards comes a free dinner ever month
of sheesh kebobs, dates, prune juice,
apples, breaded chicken and halal lamb.
This award is given only to Diplomats.
It can happen.
It can happen, eh?
The Oracle of March
Caesar, O Mighty Caesar,
Beware the Ides of March!
(What fer?)
Income Tax!
New Job Posting
New Job posting
New job positions are open for ambitious career-minded people.
The successful applicants will munch watermelon slices
from a tray and spit the seeds to a common basin on top a table.
They will be required to pass an accuracy test
by spitting 80% of watermelon seeds to a small spitoon
2 ½ meters away.
Salary will be commensurate to the number of seeds spit
on the basin.
No high educational attainment required,
but high school grads are preferred.
Please send Resume to the Pecquan Dried Seed Factory.
Include photo and two character references.
Position applied for : NGASABER.
People with bladder problems need not apply.
(butong pakwan : aliwan ng mga babaeng tamad!)
Another Pun-ny Joke
Have you ever noticed
that every time Kiev burps
America blames it on Putin
and his natural gas?
US Sets Up Rat Traps For Snowden
The CIA has allegedly started to stalk and kidnap Russian nationals all over the world.
This may sound funny but it is not.
They may try to swap these people for Snowden.
And may now call the stalks as traps for a rat!
The Disney Seven
I think they must realize by now that they are missing
SNOW WHITE
It Was Like This…..
No Dad, it was like this, Dad,
I was chasing Tippy, Dad,
and he ran into a tree, Dad,
t’weren’t my fault, Dad…
honest!
Diana Perez
Some women will tell you they’re listening to you with all ears.
This one will listen to you with all earrings.
NAH! She’s just wearing the fashion in earrings today.
They’re called Tornado Earrings!
You tie the dangles securely under your chin
so that your ears will not be blown away by the twisters.
Another Chinese Soldier
Another of those fierce, warlike, lovely Chinese soldiers.
Dancing Ants
Ant on the left to ant on the right : “Goodness, Harold, how ever did you get that feeler so straight? Are you using a spray?”
Ant on the right to ant on the left : “No Greta, I just hang from my hind legs when I sleep.”
Korean Military Exercises?
The South Koreans and the Americans do their military exercises.
Guess what? The North Koreans fired back!
Now THAT was funny! 
Armor Recovery
(Russian troops load the tanks in trains to be recovered so that radicals and terrorists will not be able to use them. This happened in Libya after Ghadaffi’s downfall. Radicals and bad elements took over the armaments left by the Western powers and consequently are now being used on Syria, and Benghazi, too.
NATO does not have a model of the newest Russian armor that even the 102-mm cannon have difficulty in penetrating.
These armor being returned to Ukraine was shipped by trains and are now the very same images captioned by the Western media as Russian armor being transported to the border between Ukraine and Russia for a pre-supposed military invasion of Ukraine. What a correspondent!)
President Vladimir Putin has ordered all weapons and hardware left by the Ukrainian military after Crimea’s accession to Russia to be returned to Ukraine.
The Russian President, who is also the commander-in-chief of the military forces, gave the order to Defense Minister Sergey Shoigu at a rank-conferring ceremony in Moscow on Friday. The order concerns weapons, and military hardware including aircraft and ships.
Shoigu reported that Ukrainian units stationed in Crimea who had not wished to come over to the Russian side had left Crimean territory.
The minister added that the flags and symbols on all the ships that remained in Crimea were changed to Russian. “We have not allowed any acts of desecration and disrespect towards Ukrainian state emblems,” the official added.
After the overwhelming majority of people in the Autonomous Republic of Crimea voted to secede from Ukraine and join the Russian Federation earlier this month the Ukrainian servicemen stationed on the peninsula were given the choice of swearing allegiance to the new authorities or leave for Ukraine. The Ukrainian military bases were taken under the control of security forces because of fears the weapons could fall into the hands of Ukrainian radicals.
A source in the Black Sea Fleet HQ told the RIA Novosti news agency that Russia intended to take over about 30 combat ships and support vessels that belonged to the Ukrainian Navy. However, the source added that this would be done only after a thorough inspection of the ships’ condition. On March 26 all 193 former Ukrainian military bases and institutions in Crimea flew Russian flags.
Also on Friday, Vladimir Putin’s press secretary Dmitry Peskov told reporters that Russia had initiated the severing of its treaties with Ukraine on the division and status of the Black Sea fleet.
According to the 1997 agreement Russia received a part of the Soviet Black Sea Fleet and started renting the naval base of Sevastopol from Ukraine. In 2010 the treaty was renewed and the two nations agreed that the Russian Naval base in Sevastopol would remain for an additional 25 years starting May 2017. Russia paid $100 million a year in basic rent and also agreed natural gas price discounts.
To annul the agreement either side must inform the other side about this intention at least one year ahead.
However, after Crimea chose to join Russia the renting agreement became obsolete. Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev earlier said that the failure to end the Sevastopol rental agreement could cost Russia up to $11 billion.
The Habit
This government has now acquired the habit
of blaming everybody else but……
My Ass!
(I will print in this blog anything good or bad or annoying or ridiculous.
This is for the information and not for the fun of it!)
Barack Obama, during his Cairo speech, said:
“I know, too, that Islam has always been a part of America’s history.”
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN’S RESPONSE
Dear Mr. Obama:
Have you ever seen a Muslim hospital?Have you heard a Muslim orchestra? Have you seen a Muslim band march in a parade? Have you witnessed a Muslim charity? Have you seen Muslims, shake hands with a Muslim Girl Scout? Have you seen a Muslim Candy Striper? Have your seen a Muslim do anything that contributes positively to the American way of life ????
The answer is no, you did not.
Just ask yourself WHY ???
Were those Muslims that were in America when the Pilgrims first landed? Funny, I thought they were Native American Indians. Were those Muslims that celebrated the first Thanksgiving day?
Sorry again, those were Pilgrims and Native American Indians.
Can you show me one Muslim signature on the: United States Constitution? Declaration of Independence? Bill of Rights?
Didn’t think so. Did Muslims fight for this country’s freedom from England?
No. Did Muslims fight during the Civil War to free the slaves in America?
No, they did not. In fact, Muslims to this day are still the largest traffickers in human slavery.
Your own half-brother, a devout Muslim, still advocates slavery himself,
even though Muslims of Arabic descent refer to black Muslims as “pug nosed slaves.”
Says a lot of what the Muslim world really thinks of your family’s “rich Islamic heritage,”
doesn’t it Mr. Obama?
Where were Muslims during the Civil Rights era of this country? Not present.
There are no pictures or media accounts of Muslims walking side by side with Martin Luther King, Jr. or helping to advance the cause of Civil Rights. Where were Muslims during this country’s Woman’s Suffrage era?
Again, not present.
In fact, devout Muslims demand that women are subservient to men in the Islamic culture —so much so, that often they are beaten for not wearing the ‘ hijab ‘ or for talking to a man who is not a direct family member or their husband.
Yep, the Muslims are all for women’s rights, aren’t they ?
Where were Muslims during World War II? They were aligned with Adolf Hitler. The Muslim grand mufti himself met with Adolf Hitler, reviewed the troops and accepted support from the Nazi’s in killing Jews.
Finally, Mr. Obama, where were Muslims on Sept. 11th, 2001?
If they weren’t flying planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 people on our own soil,
they were rejoicing in the Middle East . No one can dispute the pictures shown from all parts of the Muslim world celebrating on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other cable news networks that day.
Strangely, the very “moderate” Muslims who’s asses you bent over backwards to kiss in Cairo, Egypt on June 4th were stone cold silent post 9-11.
To many Americans, their silence has meant approval for the acts of that day. And THAT, Mr. Obama, is the “rich heritage” Muslims have here in America ..
Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to mention the Barbary Pirates. They were Muslims. And now we can add November 5, 2009 – the slaughter of American soldiers at Fort Hood by a Muslim major, is a doctor and a psychiatrist , who was supposed to be counseling soldiers returning from battle in Iraq and Afghanistan . That, Mr. Obama is the “Muslim heritage” in America
P.S. Now, also adding to the Boston Marathon bombings and the London killing and be-heading of a soldier on the street in London !!!
EVERY CANADIAN, AMERICAN, AUSSIE AND BRITON MUST READ THIS !!
Be sure to SEND IT TO ALL.
Muslim Heritage, my ass.
And if you don’t share this message, you are part of the problem
? a muslim candy striper?
(Touche!)
